What would you do if you met someone wearing all of the following items? Could you stop yourself from staring? If yes, then you have better manners than I do (or superior peripheral vision, at least).

Armored mini tank: $155.00
Double ring patent wrap belt: $120.00 (on sale from $400.00)
Sequin leggings: $297.00
Tracy lace up wedge: $47.50 (on sale from $95.00)
Janine fur earmuffs: $143.00
Plastic frame sunglasses with thick sides: $220.00

So… if one were intent on spending $982.50 ($1,310 full price) to look like OMFGMYEYES!, it can be done. It’s like a game: put together the ugliest outfit that costs at least $1,000; to add an arbitrary rule, all items must be from one store. It helps that in today’s fashion state, the number of digits on the price tag doesn’t necessarily correlate to aesthetic appeal. Which I understand is subjective, but Jesus, Princess Leia must’ve plucked her Pomeranians bare to make those earmuffs.

I’m reaching with the sunglasses, but oversized frames are getting very old very fast. This outfit would be complete if I can find a truly heinous handbag. Sigh.

I love you, shopbop, but you crazy.

Note: There’s an obvious Master Card joke in here, but I thought better of it. Please, world, no more Master Card parodies.

Source/all images: shopbop