There are fewer things more painful than a bad powerpoint presentation.

So if you absolutely want to slaughter your audience and put them in deep comas, here’s your guide.

- Be monochromatic.
- Graphics are for pussies. Blocks of text >> photos, graphs, charts and animation on the sexy scale.
- Cover a relatively dull topic and go into excessive detail.
- Write long paragraphs (in comic sans, perchance?). Bullet points are your enemy.
- Read, VERBATIM, aforementioned long paragraphs. Assume illiteracy, despite the fact that your audience is composed of Ph.D.s and Ph.D.’s-to-be.
- Exhibit no inflection in your voice whatsoever. Chronic mispronunciation, coupled with a Midwestern accent, also helps.
- If you have a laser pointer, flail it about and circle every other world.

If you need any more tips, I’m sure Stinker the Presentation Slayer can help you out.

Photo: ICHC, a register of every possible human emotion