01.14.08
i’m snarked out this morning. enter your own efron joke here.
While I’m posting about overcompensating dudes, might as well get this one over with, too. This isn’t a topic I want to revisit in the near future.
With the humiliating sting of Jessica Alba’s “[you look] like a child with lots of makeup” barely behind him, Zac Efron is now entering phase 3 of the Zac-is-really-butch campaign.
Clicky for a HUGE photo of a manly, rugged, brooding, scruffy Zac Efron with minimal jewelry and/or visible makeup. I’m sure you want to.
I’m convinced. It’s just as convincing and authentic as Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt’s really, truly candid photos (they’re sickening, aren’t they?).
Photo: Just Jared
can you imagine them co-starring in a buddy cop movie?
Oh, Jack Nicholson. Regrettably, I am not young enough to remember you as a doable movie star (nor have I seen any of your old movies, to be fair). So it’s disturbing when you’re being “cheeky.”
We get it. You were what people of a certain age fondly dubbed a ‘playboy,’ and what would currently be called a nympho-manslut. You, Paris Hilton and Keith Richards combined could easily provide an exhaustive catalog of all known STIs. You would give Wilt Chamberlain a run for his money. If there were a hall of fame for such a thing, you would be a first ballot inductee, and the lone douche who voted against you would be publicly ridiculed.
Interestingly, you and Victoria Beckham have overlapping social circles, the probability of which is as likely as Cher, Dick Cheney and Queen Elizabeth having a slumber party with wine coolers and the complete SATC DVD set. And bizarrely enough, she was your stylist for a photoshoot. (Posh? Stylist? I digress).
“She feels very good too. She’s a very firm person, you know. She’s in good shape.”
I agree that Mrs. Beckham’s body is firm. It’s probably as firm as steel beams or calcified mangoes. But coming from a septuagenarian, firm should only be used to describe one’s resolution/determination, not as a post-grope analysis.
Am I ageist? I don’t expect everyone eligible for retirement to stop being active and become asexual Disney characters. I’m just squeamish with no patience for overcompensation or excessive lechery.
Photos: ICHC, Daily Mail
PS: Pardon the cumbersome, preposition-laden sentences. It’s Monday.
01.10.08
a weekend in vegas, with little to no debauchery. i am a failure.
RIP, Andrew Olmsted.
I was in Las Vegas for the CES conference, which is basically a tech-geek’s dream spread across dozens of football fields. Some of the things I saw were absolutely amazing (Sony’s 27″ OLED, for instance. There’s no way I can capture the quality on my dinky camera, and there’s probably no way to accurately represent it on a standard computer monitor. Believe me when I say it kind of really rocks. If you can’t tell from the photo, the display is about a centimeter thick).
I think I saw Hung from Top Chef around the Panasonic booth; I’m not entirely sure, but if it was him, he’s TINY. Like momma-I-can’t-reach-the-sink tiny. I also saw David Ortiz at the Sharp/AQUOS booth, and he, as expected, is gargantuan. I thought it was douchey of him to wear sunglasses indoors, until I saw the dozens of flashbulbs go off. Mine eyes.
I was probably the only person, out of tens of thousands of exhibitors and attendees, that didn’t have at least one of the following: 1. a Blackberry, 2. an iPhone, 3. an engineering or computer science degree, 4. press credentials or 5. a Y chromosome.
On a semi-side note, of the seven deadly sins, I am only guilty of two: gluttony (buffets!) and envy (I’ve designed my ideal home theater system in my head, and it’s going to cost more than a couple of cars). I think 2/7 is pretty good.
Photo: Popular Science Blog
01.04.08
what better way to ring in the new year?
Another year, another weird search-engine-query-that-led-someone-here: “body measurements of housewives of orange county.”
Sweet Jesus.
PS: I will soil my pants and run away to Montreal if Huckabee wins the Republican nomination.
01.03.08
things i enjoyed last year
It’s a brand new year! How shiny and pretty! I feel old!
Note: I meant to post this earlier, but I was distracted.
The end of the year always, without fail, awakes the list-maker in all of us. Journalists/critics/any semi-literate biped compile their lists of top (enter multiple of five here) ____s. Top ten movies, television shows, books, cars, podcasts, sports teams, mattresses, scars, adverbs, simians, debt collecting services, what have you.
Here is my completely gratuitous list of things I enjoyed last year. Many of these aren’t new; I merely came across them in 2007. ‘Cause, you know, I’m on the cultural forefront and shit (I downloaded that Rihanna single last month!)
Juno – How can anything with Michael Cera, Allison Janney (total girl crush), Jason Bateman and J. K. Simmons NOT be good?
Ratatouille
artichoke hummus – I’ve never had hummus until this year.
Nellie McKay: Mother of Pearl – dance break!
that Stephen Colbert book
belated Dodgers’ youth movement – adios, Gonzo/Grady
Pushing Daisies – the show would be PERFECT if Lee Pace trimmed his eyebrows. I can’t focus when they pan to his face.
Jill Scott
Jeff Dunham – he somehow got hotter in his second Comedy Central special. A tan and a slight 5:00 shadow = magic.
John Mayer: Village Sessions
the Celtics – yeah, yeah, I’m on the bandwagon. Shame on me.
Superbad – most people’s favorite movie lists are much more highbrow (There Will Be Blood, No Country for Old Men, what have you). Mine includes Superbad, Juno and Ratatouille. *ponders*
Thunderbird
Norah Jones and Peter Malick: New York City
Nicholas K sweaters
Burn Notice (a USA Network TV show about an ex-spy) – I feel like I’m learning something when I watch this. It’s borderline educational! And it doesn’t hurt that Jeffrey Donovan is on the attractive side (I was crushed when ‘Touching Evil’ was canceled).
the Putumayo series of music compilations
Trader Joe’s banana crisps (not to be confused with banana CHIPS)
Dexter – I just finished the first season, and I’m resisting the urge to whip through the second one.
Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings
Sephora’s free decanted fragrance samples – I didn’t know they did such a thing. Woo hoo!
I’m sad to say I didn’t read any books I really, really enjoyed. Sniffles.
