October 17, 2007

i wish i had no sense of smell sometimes

Posted in so much for my anonymity at 10:18 am by squishy


There’s this guy in the lab I work in. Let’s call him Stinker. Because he really, truly stinks. To be more accurate, his feet smell so bad that even a Medieval hobo would cross the street to avoid him… his shoes make a sloshy wet sound when he walks. To make it worse, he douses himself with entirely too much cologne (Emporio Armani Men, which my good friend wears.. great), which mixes with his foot odor to produce an aroma similar to stale air fresheners slathered with fermented Gorgonzola… I presume. I don’t know if anyone in their right mind would be able to ferment cheese, but then again, there are people who deep-fry twinkies. It’s a scary world.

Stinker’s not a bad guy; he’s just (very) socially awkward and mildly incompetent at his job. He equates direct eye-contact as an invitation to ramble on for 30 minutes, and doesn’t know when to stop talking. If he walks in on conversations, he feels the compulsion to pull up a chair and join in. He is also an avid body builder who competes in local amateur pose-offs, and only eats instant oatmeal, protein supplements, or instant oatmeal supplemented with protein. He tries to tan, but just gets burned, so he’s a very uncomfortable-looking shade of carroty red. He will hit on anything, and I’m surprised no one’s complained about him yet. It’s very disconcerting.

I have no reason why I’m saying this. Just that we were in a meeting today (in a small room with the door closed and no ventilation) and I had to excuse myself every fifteen minutes; I can only mouth-breathe for so long. I’m sure my boss was wondering why the hell I was panting so much.



  1. […] was stuck in another meeting where Stinker was presenting. I, along with a couple of co-lab members have decided is that Stinker has a […]

  2. […] 3:13 pm by squishy I have complained about my coworker, he of the exquisitely offensive body odor, on multiple occasions.  His Stinkiness still reeks of damp armpits and toejam, but now he’s […]

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