January 30, 2008

maybe i should get an FSM decal

Posted in asshat!, so much for my anonymity at 12:58 am by squishy

One of my neighbors has a car with, I shit you not, the following shellacked on it:

– 2 ‘support the troops’ yellow ribbons. You know, the magnetic ones.
– 1 cloth flag wedged into the crack of the right passenger window. Think presidential limo flag, only stiffer and crappier.
– 1 peeling US flag bumper sticker. It’s the size of a BOOK (the ‘literary’ $15.99 kind, not of the cheap $5 pocket paperback variety), and actually doesn’t fit entirely on her bumper.
– 1 more US flag bumper sticker of the same size in case the peeling bumper sticker completely peels off. I believe she bought multiple just for this cause.

I’ve tried to take a photo, but I always worry I’ll seem like a terrorist or something. Is it of any consequence that her car is a good, American Ford sedan? Anyway, use your imagination, but believe you me when I say that it’s obnoxious.

What’s the point of excessive displays of patriotism? I’ve seen plenty of cars with the ‘support the troops’ ribbons. Great. But when that’s accompanied by multiple other ‘displays of patriotism,’ all that really says is that you’re ready and willing to 1. one-up any other ‘patriot’ and 2. deface your car with repetitive, cheap stickers that won’t come off cleanly when you need to resell it.

I hate what 9-11 has done. Aside from the thousands dead from the actual bombings, and the thousands dead from the subsequent invasions in the Middle East, people feel as though they are less American if they don’t wear it on their sleeve. Despite living in the US, you are only a true American if you have an outward symbol of it on your person/vehicle.

Patriotism has reached hysterical cultish heights, fueled by an administration where jingoism is not only an accepted but expected foreign policy.

Tangent I: Does Chevy’s “This is our country, this is our truck” commercials bother anyone else? It seems like such an obvious, almost pathetic attempt to appeal to the Amerigasmic, to those who believe buying an import is a form of treason. It’s the automobile equivalent of ham-handed attack ads, a true American revolution powered by a figment of Mitt Romney’s imagination (“of COURSE all those outsourced car factory jobs are coming back to Michigan!”).

Tangent II: Ford flew Toby Keith out to pimp their 2009 F-150 at this year’s Detroit Auto Show. And Jeep has a compact SUV called the Patriot. Yeesh. How we’ve trivialized patriotism.

Untangent: Anyway, cars don’t need flair. And if you have a desire to jazz your car up, at least diversify. People seem to have the unfortunate tendency to display their pet causes, political affiliations, child’s academic achievement or eccentric hobbies on their cars. I have seen Sunday school honor roll stickers (didn’t know Sunday schools had honor rolls, honestly), and a car with license plates reading HIPPOLVR, a hippo-themed license plate holder, and a fat hippo decal in the rear window next to the sun-bleached hippo plushie.

But my neighbor’s car takes the cake. Hands down. She’s a nice, blue-haired old granny, and her dogs sure are cute, but I want to piss on her car sometimes.

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1 Comment »

  1. boobaby said,

    I once saw a huge Suburban with a No War for Oil bumper sticker.


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