January 31, 2008

this must qualify as a form of torture

Posted in so much for my anonymity at 10:11 am by squishy

There are fewer things more painful than a bad powerpoint presentation.

So if you absolutely want to slaughter your audience and put them in deep comas, here’s your guide.

– Be monochromatic.
– Graphics are for pussies. Blocks of text >> photos, graphs, charts and animation on the sexy scale.
– Cover a relatively dull topic and go into excessive detail.
– Write long paragraphs (in comic sans, perchance?). Bullet points are your enemy.
– Read, VERBATIM, aforementioned long paragraphs. Assume illiteracy, despite the fact that your audience is composed of Ph.D.s and Ph.D.’s-to-be.
– Exhibit no inflection in your voice whatsoever. Chronic mispronunciation, coupled with a Midwestern accent, also helps.
– If you have a laser pointer, flail it about and circle every other world.

If you need any more tips, I’m sure Stinker the Presentation Slayer can help you out.

Photo: ICHC, a register of every possible human emotion


1 Comment »

  1. […] squishy I have complained about my coworker, he of the exquisitely offensive body odor, on multiple occasions.  His Stinkiness still reeks of damp armpits and overripe toejam, but now he’s taken to […]

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