March 21, 2008

fuck you, pants! how dare you not stretch enough to fit my menstrual muffin?!

Posted in wtf? at 10:21 pm by squishy

Lauren’s PMS post (that pic is awesome, btw), reminded me. No, that’s lying, actually. Her post happened to coincide1 with my wonky cycle, and my ill-fitting clothing reminded me:

What’s muy unfortunate is that while insurgent clodhopper-wearing hormones do a little jig on your brain, you also retain water. So not only are you pissed, irrational, cramping, constantly leaking, and craving deep-fried chocolate dipped jalapeños, you’re also temporarily fat.

This is when I’m convinced that whoever made people out of divine dough is a misogynist.

1 COINCIDENCE != IRONY. Some people will never understand, and I shall light a candle for your poor, obtuse2 souls.

2 The word obtuse shall forever be linked to ‘The Shawshank Redemption’… “How can you be so obtuse?” *Andy Dufresne stares, dumbstruck yet innocently, unaware of the degree of the short, fat bespectacled warden’s insecurity, as well as the metaphorical buttfuckery3 that will follow*

3 The most popular definition of buttfuck in the urban dictionary: “what happens to you when you use AOL.” Can’t say I disagree.


1 Comment »

  1. Anonymous said,

    man, you cuss a lot

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: