March 31, 2008

there is a center for internet addiction. i should look into it

Posted in miscellany at 9:45 am by squishy

As I watch those tremendously unappealing Carl’s Jr. commercials for their chili burger (which looks like dog food on its runny way out of the sucker of a dog that ingested it), I can find out that the fastfood chain is owned by the company that also owns Long John Silver’s, Taco Bell and KFC. Apparently there was an urban legend that claimed that the chicken that was Kentucky fried was a genetically modified bird that lacked feathers, beaks or feet (you know, to better our harvesting efficiency, my dear). A footless, beakless chicken? WTF, dude, at least make your urban legends believable.

And as I watch the trailer for 88 Minutes*, in the matter of seconds, I can find out that Al Pacino is probably shorter than I am (he is listed at a very generous 5’7″). Same goes for Tom Cruise, who is also listed at a short 5’7″. And Dustin Hoffman… who’s listed as being 5’6.75″ and a supporter of Nader, who appeared in an episode of Sesame Street, which has been on the air since 1969, the year in which the halfpenny ceased to be legal tender in the UK, which can also stand for the University of Kentucky, the University of Kansas, l’Université Kongo, Univerzita Karlova or the University of Khartoum, which is… oh fuck it.

* This movie, unfortunately, has a >75% chance of sucking. Has Al Pacino been in a respectable movie these days? He’s been in some good ones like Insomnia (loved), Angels in America (would probably love if I saw it), and Ocean’s 13 (liked enough) in this millennium, but they’ve been overshadowed by the likes S1m0ne, Gigli, and questionable tans and bad dye jobs. I still love you, Michael Corleone. I hope you guest on 30 Rock, Ugly Betty or Pushing Daisies as Jack Donaghy’s old roommate, the object of Marc’s affection or Ned’s batshit crazy uncle who ends up wooing both of Chuck’s aunts respectively. Or something.

The Internet is a beautiful, beautiful thing. I shall get a smartphone so that one day, we shall be inseparable and if the need ever arises, I can access you from a cave in Afghanistan** alongside a rather haggard Osama who’s exhausted from my refusal to simply be quiet and stop spewing incessant nonsense. Sorry in advance.

** Or is it Pakistan?  Who knows where that man is vacationing these days.

Photo: ICHC

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