April 4, 2008

one of many lists of shame, i’m sure

Posted in compulsive listmaking at 12:02 am by squishy

People, for one inexplicable reason or another, I find attractive. This list does not include the likes of Christian Bale, David Wright, half of the Ocean’s Eleven cast, all of the Friday Night Lights (TV) cast, Jake Gyllenhaal, LaDainian Tomlinson, Michael C. Hall, Paul Rudd, Jason Bateman, et. al., because humiliating lists are significantly more entertaining than regular lists.

May be expanded without further notice.

Dann Florek, a.k.a Captain Don Cragen from L&O

John Oliver, Daily Show Senior British Correspondent

Lou Piniella, manager of the Chicago Cubs

HRG, of HRG fame

Rowan Atkinson, a.k.a. Mr. Bean. But not because he plays Mr. Bean, but because of the masterpiece that is Blackadder

Scott Van Pelt, ESPN SportsCenter anchor

Jack Donaghy, blowhard from 30 Rock

Kevin Smith, a.k.a. Silent Bob

Ron White, puffy lush of a comedian

– borderline candidates: Hugh Laurie, Greg Kinnear, Richard Schiff, Martin Sheen, John Spencer (plus Dulé Hill, while we’re on West Wing alums, but he ain’t borderline)

The only common characteristics I see: glasses, skinny, jowls, short hair, old, no hair, older, hapless, rotund, borderline assholes and/or bears an unfortunate resemblance to Beaker.

PS: Boy, am I glad this POS is anonymous.



  1. boobaby said,

    At least you didn’t say Tommy Lasorda…

    I have questionable taste myself. Many people on your list are on mine, too. I’ll even admit to finding myself (briefly) intrigued by Lou Piniella whilst watching the nightly news..

    A good friend of mine once said “My worst nightmare would to be stranded on an island full of men you find attractive.”

  2. Tina said,

    I think Boomhauer (from King of the Hill) is pretty cute, so sign me up to the list!

    One thing I’m weird about is that I don’t like old people. George Clooney is cute and all but he can never be hot to me due to his centurian age status. And if Brad Pitt keeps aging, I’m going to have to remove him from my list as well. I have a thing against silver haired foxes.

  3. Blondie said,

    ooh Jon Spencer! Yummy.

  4. squishy said,

    Tommy Lasorda.. *convulses.. in a bad way*

    Blondie, are we talking about the same Mr. Spencer (RIP), or am I the only weirdo?

  5. Lindsey said,

    Dude, you’re not crazy.

    I happen to totally have a thing for Alan Rickman as Professor Snape. Regular Alan Rickman is okay and all, but Alan Rickman as Snape? Whew! (I realize this makes me a disturbed individual.)

    The other random quasi-celebrity I have a crush on? Jorge Ramos, the news anchor for Univision. Google him: he’s hot. I loved when I had to watch Univision news for my high school Spanish class.

  6. squishy said,

    How could I have forgotten Alan Rickman?!?! Not Snape, though (the stringy, long hair gives me a lady-limp-dick), but as Metatron in Dogma? Sigh.

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