June 16, 2008

how i spent my sunday

Posted in miscellany at 3:03 pm by squishy

a.k.a. If slugs gave a paternal damn, this is how they would celebrate Father’s Day.

We did nothing. Really. I hung out with my dad and we did nothing. I imagine this is what the inventors of television envisioned when they were tinkering with their glorious idiot-box.

“This shoddy faux-wood finished box with ridged knobby dial things and sticky/dusty antennae may look like crap now, but by george, they’ll one day spawn HIGH DEFINITION PLASMA TVS and we shall have people mesmerized, MESMERIZED BY OUR GLOWING PICTURES AND CLOSEUPS OF TIGER’S ENLARGED PORES!” And then Riddler/Jim Carrey runs away with the idea. That movie sucked. Only bat-nipples could’ve made it worse.

Hm? What’s that you say?

I consulted my mom to find out if my dad needed anything. He didn’t. Or if he particularly wanted anything. He didn’t*.

So I showed up on Sunday morning with some munchies, a 12-pack of his choice, the phone number for the local pizza place, and we parked our asses on the couch for the entire afternoon, to watch the Dodgers (sigh), Tiger (whoa) and the Lakers (whew).

* When asked what he wanted for Christmas one year, he actually said, quite earnestly and without any sarcasm, “nose hair trimmers. The automated kind.” He loves that thing. My mother will attest to the fact that his once hirsute nostrils are now quite dapper.



  1. Tina said,

    Hmmm… that sounds about right. I asked my dad what he wanted and he finally told me he wanted a new UT baseball cap (something I’d suggested a few weeks ago and he said he didn’t need but whatever). I bought him two father’s day cards: one from me and one from the dog. See, he and my mom recently got a dog, which is hilarious because they both claim to hate dogs, especially my dad.

    So I see him the Saturday before FDay and give him his present. He pulled out the cap, said “thanks,” and shoved it back at me. I kindly removed the one card I put in there (because I forgot the other at home) and handed it to him. It was a pretty funny card, if I do say so myself. It was the one from the dog. He glanced very quickly at the front of the card, where most of the hilarity was, opened it and again, shoved it back in my hands. No laugh, nothing. I don’t even think he read it. He left shortly thereafter to go fishing and left his gift and card sitting on the table next to me.

    Sunday I called to say happy FDay and he was taking a nap. For like 7 hours! So when I finally talked to him we lamented the Astros and hung up. Add in a conversation or two about politics and I’ve pretty much described my entire existence with my father. Astros, politics, and gifts he doesn’t want. Yep, that’s about it.

    Oh and dapper nostrils? Two words that I’ve never, ever seen put together but should, in many, many instances.

  2. squishy said,

    Bah. Fathers.

    I have seen many more un-dapper nostrils than dapper ones. If only I could give nose-hair trimmers to everyone that needed them.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: