July 27, 2008

HOME STRETCH!

Posted in Uncategorized at 10:46 pm by squishy

5 people found this site today by searching for “flatulent whale.”  I’ve never thought of marine mammals passing gas*; it seems like a very Far Side kind of thing to do.

In more important news, my last day of work is this Thursday.  It is also the non-waiver trade deadline.  It will be a joyous yet nerve-wracking day.

Then for a month and a half, I can be found sleeping until noon, lollygagging about in the afternoons and doing whatever the hell I please until I am a student again.  FOUR MORE DAYS!  FOUR MORE DAYS!

* ETA: Come to think of it, can you imagine the sheer amount of gas generated by whales?  You’d have to rate the force of the sulfrous gales using the Beaufort Scale.

July 18, 2008

two-step program to guarantee weepiness in 2.5 minutes

Posted in miscellany at 2:24 pm by squishy

‘Cause you never know when it might come in handy.

1. Menstruate.

2. Look up Derek Redmond on Wikipedia, YouTube or ESPN.

Step 2 optional; sometimes step 1 is more than enough.

July 17, 2008

a tool for tools, is it not? i fucking hate axe commercials, btw.

Posted in asshat! at 6:45 pm by squishy

But I REALLY hate the fact that the commercials are effective, and warrant a never-ending series of them, as well as ripoffs by Old Spice etc.

Compare, contrast*, and then perhaps compare again.

Razz Gentle Net Sponge: $1.50

AXE Detailer Shower Tool**: $4.99

For 333% the price, you can feel manly about buying a glorified sponge + Brillo pad that doesn’t have ‘sponge’ in its name. ‘Tis the price one pays to not feel emasculated. I’m surprised there isn’t a camouflage version for the extra insecure.

Photos: Drugstore.com

* Why not contrast and compare?  Did the first person who used that phrase insist on alphabetizing the order of the words?

** I still can’t get over it.  Shower tool. lol. That’s fucked up. Black+red = so ruggedly masculine; they should rename the ladybug and call it a testosterbeetle.

July 15, 2008

long time, no cute-overload

Posted in weekly absolution at 12:59 pm by squishy

Might as well make it a relevant tie-in.

Photo: Cute Overload

July 14, 2008

i must sound like a baseball geek

Posted in deportes at 10:39 pm by squishy

That’s probably because I am one.  But you already knew that.

I am not overly enamored with bat swings (or home run derbies, for that matter), but jesus smoking christ.

Kudos to Josh Hamilton, he of many personal demons, Justin Morneau (the guy that actually went home with the trophy) and Clay Counsil, the 71 year old BP pitcher.

There’s an excellent recap at BP by Joe Sheehan.  Highlights:

Hamilton batted for so long that he needed a water break, as did his personal pitcher, Clay Counsil, who might well end up in “Under the Knife” after throwing more than 50 pitches in his inning. He batted for so long that Milton Bradley toweled him off twice, getting more camera time than Erin Andrews. He batted for so long that he set the record for homers in a single round, shattering the previous mark, 24, held by Bobby Abreu.

He batted so long that he saved the Home Run Derby.


The House That Ruth Built, 85 years old, goes out as The House That Hamilton Knocked Down.

Photo: Hitting Illustrated

July 11, 2008

i am here; i just have nothing much to say

Posted in miscellany at 12:06 pm by squishy

14 more business days (not including today) until I am freed from the shackles of prostate cancer research and the inescapable stench of Stinker’s feet/sweat/cologne!  He, along with my fellow labmate/commiserator (much to her chagrin), has joined the departmental softball team, and was perhaps the dirtiest player (literally and figuratively) on the field.  Among other things, he slid hard into the 150 pound “second baseman” to break up a nonexistent double play.  In SOFTBALL. There was an injury delay… again, in SOFTBALL.

And the guy would not stop trash talking, despite the fact that only his unfortunate teammates were in earshot.  The captain (i.e. the schmoe who organized the league) had to lay it into him.

14 days.  Let the countdown begin.

PS: I love the new FireFox.  And I LOVE AdBlock.  I really don’t like the fact that all these Flash-happy ads are sucking up my cpu, so this does the trick.  Oh, how I love not having to see those things.

PPS: The Havaianas I bought in 2004 finally tore yesterday; the thong bit ripped out of the bottom.  Assuming I wore them about a quarter of the year, that’s a cost per wear of 4 cents.  Amazing.

July 3, 2008

i didn’t even know what pantaloons were until i googled them

Posted in asshat! at 12:16 am by squishy

\'loons.

People get songs stuck in their heads.  I get words stuck in mine.  For a while it was ‘buffet,’ then ‘smorgasbord.’  For the past couple of days, it’s been ‘pantaloons.’  Do not ask why, for I have no clue.*

PANTALOONS! PANTALOONS! PANTALOONS!

I hope this gets it out of my system.  I might have to resort to yelling PANTALOONS! aloud.

Photo: Cute Overload (it’s been a while)

* I should macro this phrase; I have a feeling I’ll be using it quite frequently.  DNAW,FIHNC.  Such a simple, obvious acronym.

i love four game series. no, for real.

Posted in los dodgers at 12:14 am by squishy

In the death cage match for mediocrity: 2-1!  We can’t lose this series!

Forgive me, Tina.  We probably lost our regular shortstop for the season (damn you, Furcal’s herniated disc!), and will have to scrape the bottom of the depth chart barrel.  Or make an ill-advised trade.  This could get ugly.

Photo: AP/Pat Sullivan