August 29, 2008

i call it palin-induced bipolar disorder

Posted in wtf? at 5:34 pm by squishy

All day, I’ve been wavering between “rofl, this is going to blow up in the GOP’s face” and “jesus fluffy christ, Roe v. Wade is going to be overturned.”

PS: If Obama chose Hilary as his VP, I wonder who McCain would’ve gone with.

PPS: Biden must be just salivating for the debates to start.  He’s either going to make her look like a tool or himself a misogynist/bully.  I have little faith in Biden’s ability to shut up at the right time.

PPS: I love Samantha “The Love Pita” Bee.

PPPS: And her daughter is JAMIE-LYNN SPEARS, Y’ALL.

June 24, 2008

as much as i strongly dislike any similes involving ‘mondays,’ i begrudgingly admit that today feels like one

Posted in wtf? at 9:56 am by squishy

Another confession: I’ve been wearing the wrong bra size.  I know it’s been oprah-ed to death (over (enter startlingly high percentage) of women are wearing the wrong size!), but yeesh.

I don’t feel dumb that I’ve been wearing the wrong size, but I feel really dumb about how wrong I was (Band? WRONG!  Cup?  WRONG!).  I mean, they’re MINE.  I should know how big they are.

Saving graces: 1) I hadn’t invested much in undergarments, 2) the size is ‘nicer,’ and 3) the tits are no longer bff with the navel (not that I have National Geographic tits, but now THEY DEFY THE LAWS OF GRAVITY… kind of).

Photo: US Presswire/Gary A. Vasquez

PS: In retrospect, I shouldn’t have paired a photo of Juan Pierre with a post on my chest.

June 11, 2008

gaaaarrrrrrgh

Posted in wtf? at 1:25 pm by squishy

If I hear any variation of “reaching across the aisle” when it comes to (bi)partisan politics, I’m going to club someone with my Nalgene bottle.

EDIT*: When I was walking to the parking lot, a small lizard scampered across my foot.  Too bad I was wearing flip flops.

* was too short to warrant a new post, and could very easily fall under the same title.

April 24, 2008

my question is, why the fuck did this cost £14K?

Posted in wtf? at 12:45 pm by squishy

EDIT: PHALLUS IT IS NOT! Perhaps this WAS worth £14K (Thanks, LK).

Meh, I don’t think it looks particularly phallic, but people seem to see penises everywhere.

Excerpts:

It cost £14,000 to create, but clearly no-one at the smart London design outfit that came up with the new logo for HM Treasury thought to turn it on its side.

The logo, for the Office of Government Commerce, was intended to signify a bold commitment to the body’s aim of “improving value for money by driving up standards and capability in procurement.”

horizontal jerk

vertical jerk

Instead, it has generated howls of mirth and what is likely to be a barrage of teasing emails from mandarins in other departments.

According to insiders, the graphic was already proudly etched on mousemats [BS note: mousemats. Heh.] and pens before it was unveiled for employees, who spotted the clanger within seconds.

Staff have apparently now stripped their office of souvenirs bearing the logo, which could appear on eBay within days.

A spokesman for OGC said: “It is true that it caused a few titters among some staff when viewed on its side, but on consideration we concluded that the effect was generic to the particular combination of the letters OGC – and it is not inappropriate to an organisation that’s looking to have a firm grip on Government spend.”

Emphasis mine.

Source: The Telegraph (UK)

April 18, 2008

’twas a monumental display of offensive ineptitude.

Posted in deportes, wtf? at 1:41 am by squishy

Look at this line. It’s fucked up. I never imagined a scenario where I could say that I sat through the last 14 innings of a game.

Colorado 2, San Diego 1

innings: 22
total hits: 25 (25!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
total runs scored: 3* (3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
total pitches: 657
most pitches from reliever: 80
total strike outs: 37
total walks: 13
total length of game: 6 hours and 16 godforsaken minutes
number of pitchers used as pinch hitters: 1
number of double plays: 6
number of players on active rosters NOT used: 8** (out of a possible 50)
SD batting average: 0.149
COL batting average: 0.192

*I need to add that one was walked in, one was unearned, and I can’t even remember how the first one was scored.

**Every position player, including the backup backstops were used.

It should be noted that this game was scoreless for 13 innings.

I’m SO glad I’m not a Padres fan. All this for a 1-run loss on an UNEARNED RUN. And they have to travel to Arizona for a game today.

Tina, your boys better whip the Rockies. They have no bullpen to speak of.

April 8, 2008

fortunately, i have no horse jokes

Posted in wtf? at 11:14 pm by squishy

Man jailed after punching police horse’s ass.

“Carl Coward was charged with battery of a law enforcement animal and is being held at the Orient Road Jail on $500 bond, jail records show.

“The report does not indicate whether the horse suffered any serious injury.”

If only if it were a donkey! So close.

Source: Tampa Bay Online
Photo: ICHC

March 30, 2008

that’s one thing i can check off my list of things i never thought i’d see

Posted in compulsive listmaking, wtf? at 12:18 am by squishy

I saw a testicular camel toe in the wild today.

That is all.

March 21, 2008

fuck you, pants! how dare you not stretch enough to fit my menstrual muffin?!

Posted in wtf? at 10:21 pm by squishy

Lauren’s PMS post (that pic is awesome, btw), reminded me. No, that’s lying, actually. Her post happened to coincide1 with my wonky cycle, and my ill-fitting clothing reminded me:

What’s muy unfortunate is that while insurgent clodhopper-wearing hormones do a little jig on your brain, you also retain water. So not only are you pissed, irrational, cramping, constantly leaking, and craving deep-fried chocolate dipped jalapeños, you’re also temporarily fat.

This is when I’m convinced that whoever made people out of divine dough is a misogynist.

1 COINCIDENCE != IRONY. Some people will never understand, and I shall light a candle for your poor, obtuse2 souls.

2 The word obtuse shall forever be linked to ‘The Shawshank Redemption’… “How can you be so obtuse?” *Andy Dufresne stares, dumbstruck yet innocently, unaware of the degree of the short, fat bespectacled warden’s insecurity, as well as the metaphorical buttfuckery3 that will follow*

3 The most popular definition of buttfuck in the urban dictionary: “what happens to you when you use AOL.” Can’t say I disagree.

March 20, 2008

if their goal was to scare me into readjusting my mortgage, it might work

Posted in wtf? at 2:25 pm by squishy

Otherwise, what’s the point? Am I supposed to be aroused or terrified?

mortgage.png

I hope these aren’t going to be as persistent as the dancing people ads.

March 10, 2008

the day that budding linguists write their dissertations on lolspeak is the day i immolate myself in hopes of restoring order in the world

Posted in wtf? at 8:29 am by squishy

squishy : ICHC comments :: epileptic : strobe lights

One example below. I love me some ICHC, but lord have mercy.

“Wenz Windo sillz goez
bad Kittehz fyndz demsellvz inz
awdd preedikkamentz

Mebbee Windo Sill
didn’tz lyke t3h way Kitteh
strrrretchd andz lawst ballenss?

Oarz Windo Sill may
habz thawt Kitteh wuz hawgginn’
awll teh wawrm sun beemz?

Eevurr way, Kitteh
shoodz beez luukeeng pannikkd, yet
seemz plassiddlee cawllm

Kitteh awllwayz habz
t3h lasst laff wenz it cumz 2
grabbitte’z flawwd lawz”

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