September 3, 2008

i might not make it ’till november

Posted in asshat! at 3:11 pm by squishy

I just saw an Obama attack ad that plays up Palin’s experience over Obama (“She’s had EXPERIENCE.  Obama’s just a buncho empty words”).  For reals.  And I heard a Republican stumping for Palin, saying that she’s qualified because she was the governor of the largest US state (“It’s so vast! And big! Obama was just a senator from Illinois”).

Just for your edification, Alaska is the 3rd least populous state.  More people live in Delaware, Rhode Island, New Hampshire, and Maine (each) than in Alaska.  It does, however, have 60,000 more inhabitants than Vermont.  Good on you.

PS: Cindy McCain on Palin’s experience with foreign policy… “Remember: Alaska is the closest part of our continent to Russia. So, it’s not as if she doesn’t understand what’s at stake here.”

PPS: Actually, I might make it ’till November if there are more gems like these.  Peggy Noonan + Mike Murphy blab off camera on a hot mike.  lol. “It’s over!”

PPPS: Sarah Palin’s Most Import Speech Evar™ post mortem… Nate Silver from FiveThirtyEight says it better than I could: “Not a strikeout. Not a home run. I don’t know. A double, and the runner got thrown out trying to stretch it into a triple?”  Empty calories, methinks.  I’m just glad she didn’t try to sell herself as a tortured-distressed-damsel-martyr-something.

The first 2/3 or so was good, especially considering what my expectations were, but she started getting shrill, obnoxious and strangely boring towards the end.  Staunch Republicans would love it and would appeal to some moderates, but I can’t imagine a lot of independents getting particularly psyched.  It takes huevos to attack someone’s experience when you really don’t have much; I would’ve imagined that someone OTHER than Palin would’ve brought that shit up.  Pot, meet kettle.

The DNC must be getting tired with Biden straining at the leash.  Just let him go for it.


August 29, 2008

i call it palin-induced bipolar disorder

Posted in wtf? at 5:34 pm by squishy

All day, I’ve been wavering between “rofl, this is going to blow up in the GOP’s face” and “jesus fluffy christ, Roe v. Wade is going to be overturned.”

PS: If Obama chose Hilary as his VP, I wonder who McCain would’ve gone with.

PPS: Biden must be just salivating for the debates to start.  He’s either going to make her look like a tool or himself a misogynist/bully.  I have little faith in Biden’s ability to shut up at the right time.

PPS: I love Samantha “The Love Pita” Bee.

PPPS: And her daughter is JAMIE-LYNN SPEARS, Y’ALL.

August 28, 2008


Posted in miscellany at 10:20 pm by squishy

Not as powerful as 2004, but that’s probably due to the element of surprise (and lack thereof tonight); plus the bar is set pretty durn high when it comes to Mr. Obama and public speaking.  Good job all around, but I was already going to vote for him anyway, as is the majority of California.  I hope the folks in Pennsylvania, Ohio, Florida, Michigan and Virginia were paying attention.

If you haven’t checked it out already, I recommend giving FiveThirtyEight a click. It primarily deals with the polling/statistical side of elections, and it appeals to the numbers geek in me.

PS: Want to get pissed off in 7 seconds flat? Read the comments following the articles.  Some steaming nuggets of shit:

“[Obama] is the reincarnation of Jim Jones. Just shows Americans are lemmings and can be easily led down the path of their own destruction”

“Even Hitler gave a good speech” — which actually got deleted by the mods a few seconds after I copy-pasted.  Actually, a bunch just got deleted before I got a chance to copy them down.  One of them called him a “closet Muslim.”

Photo: NYT/Damon Winter


August 27, 2008

despite my flawless feedback (which i’m mighty proud of), i might have to open a new account

Posted in asshat!, miscellany at 12:12 am by squishy

It turns out that I’m a much more prolific time-wasting nutbag of a compulsive typer* when I have a real job**.

So, main topic.  Someone I went on one date with found out what my eBay user name is.  I don’t know how or why, but he found out, and looked up the shit I bought in the past month or so (or however long it is before eBay stops linking to your past purchases).  Unfortunately, I recently won a few bra auctions since all my old bras are the wrong fucking size, so he could see what kind/size of undergarments I got.  He was classy enough to mention this in one of the creepiest e-mails ever.

As you can surmise, there was an excellent reason why there wasn’t a second date.  I’m only embarrassed I acquiesced to go on that first date at all.


I also want to mention that ever since getting a new iMac, I have been crashing it twice a week.  Clockwork.  I think I’ve cross-contaminated it with my disease-addled PCs.  A lot of things I touch turn to shite.

* I’m trying my best not to refer myself as one who blogs, let alone a blogger.  I still can’t explain my aversion to that word; then again, very few of my aversions are explainable.  Or rational, for that matter.

** Although I did start a small business with my pop, which is GNAWING AWAY AT THE FIBER OF MY BEING to the point that said small business would have no regularity problems in the off chance it had a gastrointestinal tract.  Graduate school will feel like a vacation in comparison.

Photo: long time no ICHC

August 19, 2008


Posted in miscellany at 12:31 am by squishy

I quit my job, decompressed and enjoyed my time off.  I did nothing yet managed to waste plenty of money. The hours of sleep have increased, hours listening to NPR have decreased, and I have yet to go to a day game. Sunday would’ve been a good one. Walkoff hits are always nice, especially if it’s a hot player. Andre could stand to get a haircut, though.

Anyway, since I’ve last posted, Manny Ramírez was traded to the Dodgers and hit a bit, John Edwards admitted to an affair and may have even fathered a bastard kid, Dubya patted Misty May-Treanor’s upper ass, some dude with huge hands, feet, ears and short legs won a lot of medals, Pervez Musharraf resigned and Greg Maddux has been traded for.  Again.

It’ll take me a while to get back into the clichéd swing of things*. I mean, I almost forgot how to type.

* Among my long list of hated things, clichés are one of them. I couldn’t think of a better phrase, so I acknowledged the clichédness of the damn thing by prefacing it with “clichéd” but I still feel like a thoroughly unoriginal cheeseball for even typing that shit out. I’m open to suggestions, at which point I’ll delete it and pretend this never happened.

July 27, 2008


Posted in Uncategorized at 10:46 pm by squishy

5 people found this site today by searching for “flatulent whale.”  I’ve never thought of marine mammals passing gas*; it seems like a very Far Side kind of thing to do.

In more important news, my last day of work is this Thursday.  It is also the non-waiver trade deadline.  It will be a joyous yet nerve-wracking day.

Then for a month and a half, I can be found sleeping until noon, lollygagging about in the afternoons and doing whatever the hell I please until I am a student again.  FOUR MORE DAYS!  FOUR MORE DAYS!

* ETA: Come to think of it, can you imagine the sheer amount of gas generated by whales?  You’d have to rate the force of the sulfrous gales using the Beaufort Scale.

July 18, 2008

two-step program to guarantee weepiness in 2.5 minutes

Posted in miscellany at 2:24 pm by squishy

‘Cause you never know when it might come in handy.

1. Menstruate.

2. Look up Derek Redmond on Wikipedia, YouTube or ESPN.

Step 2 optional; sometimes step 1 is more than enough.

July 17, 2008

a tool for tools, is it not? i fucking hate axe commercials, btw.

Posted in asshat! at 6:45 pm by squishy

But I REALLY hate the fact that the commercials are effective, and warrant a never-ending series of them, as well as ripoffs by Old Spice etc.

Compare, contrast*, and then perhaps compare again.

Razz Gentle Net Sponge: $1.50

AXE Detailer Shower Tool**: $4.99

For 333% the price, you can feel manly about buying a glorified sponge + Brillo pad that doesn’t have ‘sponge’ in its name. ‘Tis the price one pays to not feel emasculated. I’m surprised there isn’t a camouflage version for the extra insecure.


* Why not contrast and compare?  Did the first person who used that phrase insist on alphabetizing the order of the words?

** I still can’t get over it.  Shower tool. lol. That’s fucked up. Black+red = so ruggedly masculine; they should rename the ladybug and call it a testosterbeetle.

July 15, 2008

long time, no cute-overload

Posted in weekly absolution at 12:59 pm by squishy

Might as well make it a relevant tie-in.

Photo: Cute Overload

July 14, 2008

i must sound like a baseball geek

Posted in deportes at 10:39 pm by squishy

That’s probably because I am one.  But you already knew that.

I am not overly enamored with bat swings (or home run derbies, for that matter), but jesus smoking christ.

Kudos to Josh Hamilton, he of many personal demons, Justin Morneau (the guy that actually went home with the trophy) and Clay Counsil, the 71 year old BP pitcher.

There’s an excellent recap at BP by Joe Sheehan.  Highlights:

Hamilton batted for so long that he needed a water break, as did his personal pitcher, Clay Counsil, who might well end up in “Under the Knife” after throwing more than 50 pitches in his inning. He batted for so long that Milton Bradley toweled him off twice, getting more camera time than Erin Andrews. He batted for so long that he set the record for homers in a single round, shattering the previous mark, 24, held by Bobby Abreu.

He batted so long that he saved the Home Run Derby.

The House That Ruth Built, 85 years old, goes out as The House That Hamilton Knocked Down.

Photo: Hitting Illustrated

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